I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
