Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
