Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I need to align my fucking chakras
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
