I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
