i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
