i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
