it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
