all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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