I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
