are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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