I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
