I think I can smell my own vagina right now
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
