and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
