thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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