So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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