i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
