is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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