Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
