She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
