Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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