Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
