1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
