I wish I could punch you in the face.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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