she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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