mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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