is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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