The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
