I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
