I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
