If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
