When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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