Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
