im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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