Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
