is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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