you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
