She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
im calling her cock vulture from now on
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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