I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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