I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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