I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
