At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
