i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
