At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah Iโd say sheโs rebounding from the divorce
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