It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
