No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
