when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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