So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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