so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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