Someone shit on the floor
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Let's get the cat blown out
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
