evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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