Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
